Guys and Girls
When girls tell you about their problems they probably do not want a solution. They just want somebody to listen to them without trying to fix anything. Who knew? John Gray knew in his book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. But really, what are you supposed to do while girls sit their and talk about their problems? If they sense you are not paying attention then they bring up more problems or talk about them in more detail. There is no organized way that these problems are presented. And if you try to give a solution they will get upset and ignore what you said and continue to talk.
So the solution? There is no solution, that is the problem. No advice from men when women are being emotional. Calm them down, then speak of reason. But this is about the hardest thing in the world to do. What do you do to calm the one you care about most when she is bringing up issues that you know the solution to? What do you do when there is no solution?
I thought that when I used to talk to women and just say hmm, and uhhuh the whole time that I was being a bad friend. Maybe that is just the opposite. Well enough for now... still at work... but I figured I would at least try to do some blogging after Jen's suggestion. BTW... Dave, Jen, Noah, Erin, Kevin - you guys rock, it was awsome to see you. Any thoughts on this matter let me know...
-JB
posted by JB @ 9:50 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Welcome to the age old problem of communication between men and woman. You are experiencing nothing new that generations of men in the past have also experienced. That's the best thing about life though... trial and error. Okay maybe not the best thing, but it's still a "thing" right? :)
This isn't a problem necessarily between men and women (Men are from Mars, Women from Venus stuff really doesn't accurately describe how men/women communicate) ... I think that a lot of people just want to vent, including men. (For example, you ever say that a job sucks to some friends? Bet you just wanted to vent.)
What I typically do is just listen to the person, and then offer advice at the end. Either they take it or they don't. At least then they'll know you're interested in them/the conversation.
Or... you could ask the person at the beginning if they want advice or if they just want to vent (that way you'll know how to better listen).
And really, if you're having so many problems listening to a friend, then how good of friends are you, and do you want to remain friends?
Food for thought...
Yeah, I do not think that these things are cut and dry. Sometimes I just want somebody to listen. But I think you are right about the whole listening and then offering advice towards the end. But sometimes you don't even need to do that. But if you do - it should be at the end.
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